24 Hours

Oye, listen! AIDS is a killer!
Unce, tice...fee tines a mady...
When you're having a seizure and the feeling can't be beat...call USA Seizure!
I...had...the time of my life...and I owe it all to you...
Because knowing is half the battle!
Oh Screech!
Whoa!
Hi girls! Uncle Joey!
Lumbergh...fucked her.
Sephardic Jew...a dark complexion...
Hey Champ!
C'mon kiddo!
Smidge! Hey Smidge!
Tyke!
Chill Boss Avenue
Yo bref be kickin' like chicken
Lick this pen tip and get retarded
Pencil war! I got dibs on the Empire!
Accept Jesus into your life
C'mon!
Shut up! You, shut up!
Hellish Nations of Israel
Oh come all ye faithful
O come o come Emmanuel...that ransom captive Israel...that...
Lasagna in the highest
Garfield the movie
Terminator
Get to tha choppah!
Consididididadivorce!
Travolta's wifey
Sci-tis are everywhere
No apostrophe when denoting plural
Mr. P...you so crazy...can I get a tissue?
Let me get a pen.
Burning the flesh with hot ink
Stapler missiles
Armpit stains and island accents
B.O. issues
HBO
Jinkooyeh!
The ghetto
Auschwitz
College
Grass
Hartefeld
Money
Life

Milk, MEEELK!

This video was supposedly a favorite of mine when I was a littlun. My sister hoped it would have a cathartic effect on me when she showed it to me, but I just stared at it dumb-faced. The only thing I think I remember is the crazy Joan Baez-y music that goes along with it. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O-Q5vJ-GHk

Square is the New Punk Rock

There's this distasteful word out there called "square". It's what some people call someone who they deem antiquated, or boring, or strict, or stuffy. I'm not sure if it's a 1960s term, but it seems to have originated in the movement of defining oneself as something other than a definable type; in other words, those who called others "square" were trying to be "round". The term "square" itself was to me a recognizable thing. I immediately conjured images of Mr. Rogers, or the local postman, or the instructor from those highschool driver's education videos. "Now put on your left turn signal. Wait. Wait. Good! Now you may turn." My ideal square had a buzz cut and a pair of black specs. (How ironic that now those black specs are cool. But maybe it's not so ironic, since everything at one point or another is cool. There's really no irony left these days.)

What I'm trying to say is that I'm a square. I was walking across my school campus tonight, around 8:30, having just left my classroom, and thought to myself, "This is what life is about. Working hard, making a difference, getting a paycheck, calling the girlfriend, wondering about dry cleaning, paying bills online, making sure to buy stamps, thinking about vacation, trying to stay fit, etc." Any one of those things would have made me puke a year or two ago. Now I just say "bring it". If I'm my own idea of a square, then I've fooled myself and outwitted my own wit. If you out there think I'm a square, then so be it. If you out there can relate to this feeling, then I feel you.

I was so afraid of turning into my father and mother. Each day that passes brings me closer to that doom. It's no longer a doom, though. It's an inevitability, one that should be respected, like the rows of teeth on a Mako shark. I couldn't any easier tear up pavement with my teeth, or swim against a tsunami. I'm imbedded with DNA. DNA is no effing joke. It's like the blackness between heavenly bodies - we don't know why or how it got there, but it's here to stay. We will come and go, but DNA, heritage, fate even...that shit is timeless.

Square is the new punk rock.